Posts Tagged ‘messiah yeshua’

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Missing in Action…

January 14, 2013

I know it probably seems as if I am “missing in action”. Truth is…there is a lot of action in my life, but most of my writing is on my non-survivor blog, Facebook and my studies. I am also just being busy in my home…being me and enjoying the day-to-day things in life.

The highlight of my week is Shabbat. All through the week I am preparing for that moed…that appointed time…with my Creator — my heavenly Abba/Daddy, my Messiah Yeshua and the Ruach HaKodesh. I bake and prepare special treats for that day and for breakfast. I prepare enough dinner to cover lunch, too. It is a day of resting, attending online Messianic synagogues and being with my family. It is a time of refreshing and I am learning SO much. The more I learn, the more I realize how much I was taught that is incorrect. A lot of my spiritual paradigm has shifted.

There are some things I know even more firmly, such as the fact that Yeshua is the Messiah…the Son of G-d…and that all things were created through Him, for Him and by Him. But other things, such as what that means for others and for myself, have changed. There are many scriptures that left me puzzled before that I now understand. And there are many more that I thought I understood and now I really understand. It turns out they did not mean at all what I was taught they meant or what I thought they meant.

So much understanding of the scriptures depends upon knowing the language and culture of both the writers and the readers of that day. Now that I am studying under those who do know those things, my eyes are being opened and I am so excited! I am also a bit saddened and even experienced some anger. We had so much stolen away from us by anti-Semitism and missed out on a lot for so many years. But there are more and more people like us who are learning about our roots…learning what we have been grafted into…and our spiritual lives are soaring!

So, although I am “missing” a bit from this particular blog, I am in “action”. I hold all my survivor friends in my heart and I think of you all often. I do keep wanting to come here more and I will keep on working on it.

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Four Nights and Days…

December 12, 2012

We lit four candles last night (plus the Shamash/servant candle).  How special to focus on the Creator of the universe and one Messiah Yeshua…the Or Haolam…Light of the world. Tonight we lit five plus the Shamash. I am also baking Chanukah goodies for the first time. What a wonder our Creator is. What a wonder the Messiah is. What a blessing to know that I am His.

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Being a Warrior and a Survivor…

November 29, 2012

I am a fighter…and I recognize that it is my Creator who gave me that ability to fight.

I am a survivor…and it is my Creator who brought me through all the hell to get to the wonderful place I am today.

I am filled with the Shalom of my Messiah Yeshua and it is His Ruach/Spirit that has helped me all along my healing journey.

I am a warrior, too. So, what is the difference between a fighter and a warrior? I think there is a lot. I started out as a fighter, fighting my way through what was going on in order to survive. I fought to be “sane” (whatever that means). I fought to make it through the day. I fought to stay alive. I fought to hide my true self from everyone around me. I fought to look “normal” so no one would know the truth. I fought and I fought and I fought, but it was a fighting that was based more upon instinctively swinging my “arms” to fend off an enemy.

Over time, though, I became a warrior. I went on the offensive. And that is when things really started to change. That is when the evil I was fighting really started to show itself for what it was…dark and malevolent. It was not that I did not see that before. It was not that I was not doing some warrior fighting before. But there came a time in my life when I had no choice but to come out swinging on the offensive. I had to for the safety of my youngest.

My battle to survive and just make it through life slowly transformed into a battle of fighting back until the fighting back became the main thing. After years of feeling as if I were struggling just to keep my head above water so I could breath, I slipped into years of taking ground. I started to fight for real healing.

There are some who decry the term “survivor”, as if that is somehow less than or as if it somehow holds us back. We must never use that term, but must instead call ourselves “thrivers”…or some other term to define who we are.

But I AM a survivor! I have survived horrendous things and made it out the end! I am PROUD of that. Being a survivor means they did not win! A cancer survivor is one who has conquered cancer. No one would ever think of telling him or her not to use that term! So, why is it not OK for us who have survived extreme abuse?

I am a survivor! I am alive! I am “sane”…well, I guess that may depend upon your definition of “sane”. I am smiling as I write that. I am HERE! I did not die. I did not end up in a mental ward. I did not end up in jail. I did not end up dead. I have a good marriage. I made it out of all the abuse. Yes, it took years to do. Yes, I am still partially amnesic. Yes, I have a lot of healing left to do. But I am ALIVE! I no longer answer to my abusers. Hallelu Yah!

I am both a survivor AND a thriver. You see, I don’t see it as an either/or kind of thing. I am both! And I am grateful. I can see the beauty in life and share it with others. Here is some of that beauty now.

 

 

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Joel Rosenberg – Epicenter

September 13, 2012

I like Joel. He really seems to have a fairly good understanding of what is going on the Epicenter. He is not presumptuous, but just shares his observations…from the heart. You can tell he is a caring man.

There is an Epicenter conference going on this week and the following video is the first talk, which he gave last night. I found a little bit of everything in his words…comfort, challenge, some things I definitely needed to hear.

http://epicenterconference.com/media/videoPlayer/epicenter_2012_joel_c_rosenberg

As a survivor, I like to think I am ready for anything, or at least better prepared than most, but I know I am not. I look at the world and I see things that look very scary…from a merely human perspective. It is only when I look from G-d’s perspective that I can be calm about things. My grounding comes from standing upon the Rock of my Messiah…Yeshua/Jesus. I look at what He said and at the Holy Scriptures that speak of Him and of the end and I know I am in His hands.

I will not be afraid. What can mere man do to me? I have survived so much already. He will get me through whatever is to come. I need to remember that and keep it in the forefront of my mind and heart.

We are approaching the feast of Yom Teruah…the Feast of Trumpets…Rosh HaShanah…the New Year. The trumpet/shofar is blown on Rosh HaShanah and on some other Fall Feasts. Whenever we approach this time of year I am reminded that Yeshua will return at the sound of the trumpet. Will it be like the silver trumpets they used at the temple? Or will it be a shofar? I don’t know. I just know that I am listening for it…and especially so at this time of year because all the feasts are prophetic in nature…shadows of what is/was to come.

Yeshua fulfilled the Spring feasts the first time He came and He will fulfill the Fall feasts when He comes back to judge the world and reign from the New Jerusalem. I wait with anticipation for His coming. I have chosen to cast my lot with the people of the G-d of Avraham, Yitzchak and Ya’akov. I worship Him and His Messiah…Yeshua. I love and serve Eloheinu and am a disciple of the Rabbi Yeshua.

No matter what happens…I will ultimately be OK. I will not fear wars and rumors of wars. I will not fear my government. I will not fear Islam. I will not the evil and debauchery and disregard for life and biblical values that has overtaken my country. I…will…be…OK! My name is in the palm of my G-d…written so that it cannot be erased. I am His and He is mine.

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Life Goes On…

June 25, 2012

I had a wonderful time of reflection. Since it was time alone interspersed with hubby being around, I was also busy with other things. But the times alone that I got were precious and very refreshing. I am working on finding ways to continue it in smaller time periods.

I got the chance to talk with my former therapist and we are going to do a once a month check in which I SO appreciate. She is a wonderful woman to bounce things off of. She knows me well, walked me through some really tough times and I know she shoots straight with me. She also loves unconditionally and is a woman of G-d. She understands my spirit as well as my experiences.

I am slowly reworking my priorities…for a better heart connection with my Creator and for a better all around life. There will always be challenges and struggles in life and I believe our country is headed for some tougher times if we don’t repent and turn back to G-d. I want to be ready and the readiest I can be is to be as close as I can with my Creator…with my heavenly Abba/Daddy/Father and my Messiah…Yeshua.

I hope you are all ready for what is coming down the road. I know I sure don’t “feel” ready. I am totally relying upon Yeshua to get me through it.

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