Posts Tagged ‘Messiah’

h1

Working through things…

May 27, 2013

I have had to make a very tough decision, but life is what it is.

I will survive. I will continue to find joy in the midst of the grieving…even as things seem to be taking a turn for the worse.

I know the One who turns all things for good…even when it is hard…or even impossible…for me to see it. Actually, I do see some good in this. It is just that I also see a lot of sadness and hurt.

I truly do not believe we have much time left before Messiah returns. This whole situation may become a moot point before we even know it.

h1

It’s All About Trust…

January 14, 2013

Trusting that the Creator has a plan and that it is for our ultimate good.

Trusting that there is something better for us than this life.

Trusting that the Messiah’s love will continue to carry me through every storm of life.

Trusting that the Creator’s teachings are true and good…no matter how hard they may be or how my “self” chafes against them.

Trusting that He is G-d and I am not.

Trusting that my understanding is not infinite…that I am NOT all-knowing.

Trusting that I do not have to understand everything.

Trusting that my human sense of righteousness is not necessarily my Creator’s…mine is imperfect, while His is perfect.

Trusting that, like a child, I can trust my heavenly Abba/Father/Daddy…even when I do not understand.

Trusting that my Creator’s provision truly is enough for me.

Trusting that, when my Abba says “no”, it is for good reasons…even though I may not see those reasons now.

As I look at the list above, I see that trust is really tied a lot into understanding…or lack of understanding. There have been many times in my life when I thought and lived as a child. I wanted to understand like G-d (my Abba/Daddy) and I wanted to understand NOW. Just like the impetuous child who does not want to obey unless she fully understands (and agrees with) the why of the parent, I wanted to act and live on my own understanding and beliefs about how I thought life should be lived.

It took time, but I eventually outgrew my childishness…mostly. I still have my days, but they are much fewer and farther between…thankfully. Now I am better able to trust when I am walking through the mist…when I cannot see tomorrow. I am no longer afraid when things seem dark and I cannot see my way.

I am better able to remain calm and serene in the face of what appears to be “impending doom” because I have learned that things are not what they seem to be with the human eye and heart. I know that Abba has a bigger plan and that the ‘powers that be’ are going to crumble. I know things are going to get tougher in the world and in our country, but I am not afraid, for I know He walks with me.

h1

Everything in me…

October 5, 2012

As I celebrate Sukkot and prepare to enter Shabbat, everything in me says that Messiah is coming back very SOON!

Please, if you have not sought the Creator with all your being, do so without delay! No one knows how much time they have. Death could come at any time. And beyond that, all things will change when Messiah comes.

There is coming a time when the Creator will remake this world and all that is evil will be banished…all that is not of the Creator.

Seek the Creator. Seek the Son mentioned in the Older Scriptures that we know in the Newer Scriptures as Yeshua/Jesus.

Please seek Him.

h1

Things I have been pondering…

October 2, 2012

I have been thinking about what to write here…the thoughts kind of going around in my head and heart. I am not sure what is going on with me.

When we moved into this house, I thought I would have some space and freedom to do any healing work that needed to be done…while, at the same time, not really being sure of what that work might be. Randy Noblitt told me on the phone about 2 years ago that he thought my system was shut down. Is it? Or is it just so blended that it appears that way? Since he has not worked with me, can he really make that kind of assessment?

I know I am still partially amnesic, but I am not sure how much. I still don’t remember my sister growing up in the same house with me. That is pretty huge…no way around that. But I don’t think blending automatically brings recall. My former counselor knows of quite a few survivors who blended and the memories came later…or some not at all.

Splitting is one form of protection and self-preservation. So is repressing. How much memory recall (or lack of) is due to repression and how much is due to splitting? I don’t know and I don’t know of any way TO know.

Lately, I seem to be getting a few flashes. Can’t tell you what they are because I don’t remember. I find it easy to shove stuff like that aside, but I think something is brewing. I just am not sure what. I am thinking it may be time to talk to “myself” again…like I did a lot in the beginning of this journey.

There is something I notice about myself that might be key to what is going on. When I think about things in the past, I almost always get a surge of emotion. It does not matter what I am remembering. It could be something positive and I get the same surge. It is puzzling to me. And it does not have to be the long ago past, either. It is as if the PTSD element of my mind and emotions is linked to ALL my memories…even fairly recent ones. Why is that?

Of course, our living situation for the last few years before getting into this house was enough to cause PTSD in many people. I have been told time and again by so many that they could not do and they did not know how I did. I just tell them it was the L-rd, plain and simple. He got me through it.

Now I live in an unfinished house that is a bit cluttered and I long for some semblance of order. My husband’s work schedule is all over the map…constantly changing hours and days off…totally inconsistent. It is affecting our whole family. It feels impossible to get into any kind of real routine.

So, I just keep moving forward…I think, anyway. On the one hand, I seem to be doing OK and, on the other hand, I am struggling. This introvert with PTSD is feeling rather drained. And yet, I DO get a lot done.  Just not all I WANT to get done.

I am doing some PSE 8 “art” work…mostly stuff with words that I post on FB. I am fighting for my country on FB. I am home educating high school. And several months ago, I picked up my guitar again after over 12 years of not playing. When the memories started to come and the DID became obvious, everything else in my life pretty much came to a screeching halt as I sought healing.

Now, I am picking it back up and I am singing “publicly” again. I know better than to push forward too hard or too fast. I am singing this Sunday…twice. Do I feel ready? Maybe. I have sung twice now at two singfests. The first time I blew everyone and myself away. I felt like I was “back in the saddle”.

The second time I felt some of the pressure of their expectations. Plus, the mic setup was awkward compared to the first time. It was more chaotic. But the feedback I got was good. Once I am up there and I just start, I get into it and let the music and the Ruach/Spirit take me away. If I can ever get it to be quiet enough in here, I might try recording on my laptop. It probably won’t sound all that good, but I can try.

So, here I am…trying to get my thoughts together, feeling like I am rambling. I have had things to share for some time, but simply not been able to find the words. It is hard for me to understand myself what is going on.

But this I know. The time is short. I am watching what is happening in the world and in my country and I truly believe we don’t have that long before Messiah returns. So, how much time and energy should I try to spend on healing? I really don’t know. I have learned to take each day as it comes. If the right setting and opportunity come along for healing work…I will take advantage of it. So far, it simply has not been here.

I am going to throw some stuff away in the office. That might help. Then I can try to create some kind of space for personal healing. Maybe.

Don’t know if any of this made much sense to anyone, but I just wanted to finally take some time to get some thoughts out…even if they are a bit disjointed.

h1

Joel Rosenberg – Epicenter

September 13, 2012

I like Joel. He really seems to have a fairly good understanding of what is going on the Epicenter. He is not presumptuous, but just shares his observations…from the heart. You can tell he is a caring man.

There is an Epicenter conference going on this week and the following video is the first talk, which he gave last night. I found a little bit of everything in his words…comfort, challenge, some things I definitely needed to hear.

http://epicenterconference.com/media/videoPlayer/epicenter_2012_joel_c_rosenberg

As a survivor, I like to think I am ready for anything, or at least better prepared than most, but I know I am not. I look at the world and I see things that look very scary…from a merely human perspective. It is only when I look from G-d’s perspective that I can be calm about things. My grounding comes from standing upon the Rock of my Messiah…Yeshua/Jesus. I look at what He said and at the Holy Scriptures that speak of Him and of the end and I know I am in His hands.

I will not be afraid. What can mere man do to me? I have survived so much already. He will get me through whatever is to come. I need to remember that and keep it in the forefront of my mind and heart.

We are approaching the feast of Yom Teruah…the Feast of Trumpets…Rosh HaShanah…the New Year. The trumpet/shofar is blown on Rosh HaShanah and on some other Fall Feasts. Whenever we approach this time of year I am reminded that Yeshua will return at the sound of the trumpet. Will it be like the silver trumpets they used at the temple? Or will it be a shofar? I don’t know. I just know that I am listening for it…and especially so at this time of year because all the feasts are prophetic in nature…shadows of what is/was to come.

Yeshua fulfilled the Spring feasts the first time He came and He will fulfill the Fall feasts when He comes back to judge the world and reign from the New Jerusalem. I wait with anticipation for His coming. I have chosen to cast my lot with the people of the G-d of Avraham, Yitzchak and Ya’akov. I worship Him and His Messiah…Yeshua. I love and serve Eloheinu and am a disciple of the Rabbi Yeshua.

No matter what happens…I will ultimately be OK. I will not fear wars and rumors of wars. I will not fear my government. I will not fear Islam. I will not the evil and debauchery and disregard for life and biblical values that has overtaken my country. I…will…be…OK! My name is in the palm of my G-d…written so that it cannot be erased. I am His and He is mine.

%d bloggers like this: