Posts Tagged ‘nervousness’


Art Webinar and Life…

August 17, 2010

Well…the art Webinar is this coming Saturday, the 21st.  This month I am presenting. Ack!

No…seriously…it should be fun. However, I have never done a webinar. I like speaking and sharing, but have not really done so since uncovering the SRA side of my history. This should be interesting. Hopefully…all will go smoothly and I will handle it well. I do NOT need my PTSD to start rising…although I already feel inklings of it. I am sure things will settle down a bit once I have the presentation finished. I am almost there.

Ordinarily I would NEVER like to cut things this close, but the past few months have been filled with laptop juggling and using (at least part of the time) an old dinosaur of a laptop. I did trade one dino for another dino…but at least this dino has more going for it.

A brand new laptop…a gift from a very generous brother in the L-rd…is on its way. However, it is not scheduled to arrive until Thursday. That does not really give me much time to load everything up and be ready for Saturday…especially since it will about guaranteed to have a different OS. Ack!! So, I will probably be using the laptop I am using now…which does not have everything loaded on it that I would normally have.

Typically, I would have everything done way in advance. Not so this time. I am still thinking some things through…although most of what remains is just info typing. I have not only had to switch laptops twice, but I have also had to use two different presentation softwares! Thankfully, this dino has Power Point on it and that is much easier to use than Open Office…which is saving me time! Yay!

We are in desperate need of a house. Someone has been trying to get it built for about a year now. I asked my husband the other day how much he wanted to bet that there will be people crawling all over the place during the webinar. They have not been here for quite a while so it would not surprise me if they are suddenly able to come. When you are working with volunteers, you cannot exactly schedule things. You take whatever you can get whenever you can get it…gratefully! Right now…my family is planning on being gone for that time so I can have quiet and be able to concentrate.

I am both looking forward to doing this…and looking forward to being done with it! Depending on how this goes, I will consider whether or not to do any more webinars…art or otherwise. When I signed up for it, I thought it would be fun. And I still think it will be. However, I was also very much hoping to be in the house by now. Oh, well. Such is life!

I have no idea how many are signed up for it…or if anyone I know is signed up for it. I do know this…I will eventually be putting most of my art pieces up on my art blog. There are, however, some pieces I cannot put up due to copyright issues. I will show them during the webinar, but most likely will not be putting them up on the blog. There are also a few others that I will be showing that won’t be going up on the blog. The only way to see them is to either go to the webinar or come to my house. It is also going to take me a while to get the pieces up on the blog as there are so many.

To top it off…we may have a thunderstorm that day. So, I need to make sure the cordless phone is charged up. If need be, I will use the laptop with its batteries to see the presentation and I will have someone else change the slides on line for me. If there is lightning…we unplug the modem and all the electronics. It could be VERY interesting!

So…deep breath…rest…relax…trust. I am asking Yeshua to guide me and lead me. I need wisdom as to what to show and what to share about each piece. All is well. All will work out.


Questions and a Log House

June 6, 2010

I am going away tomorrow. I am getting nervous. I will be alone…in a rural area. Granted…just down the drive…right before the street…is a family I know. (The two properties are connected in more ways than one.) And the woman who lives with her family in that house knows I am a survivor…but she doesn’t understand what all that means.

I am nervous. I will be away from what is familiar in an unfamiliar place. Yes…I have been there before and have even helped in some of the finishing of the logs and such. BUT…it is not “home”. I am not that familiar. The root of familiar is the same as the root for family. We live with our families. We know our families. We live in our homes. We are familiar with our homes.

Even though I am not really “comfortable” in my little RV…I am comfortable. I know…that sounds contradictory…but familiarity is comforting. That is why children of alcoholics and dysfunctional parents oftentimes end up marrying spouse who are similar…even when they swear they won’t. Their spouses may manifest their dysfunction in some different way…but it is still there.

I am a cult survivor. Alone in a rural area has not exactly turned me on. Then again…sometimes I just have to adjust…and continue to trust the Creator. Yeshua has protected me in so many ways and my location is not a hindrance to Him one bit.

I have my list of things to make sure I bring. I hope I have not left anything off. The most important things, of course, are my laptop and my art pieces. That is why I am going there. But I know it won’t be the sum total of what I do there. I don’t want to be “busy”. I want to just “be”…to rest with no demands…no interruptions…whether that resting be reading, praying, napping, just sitting…whatever.

All alone in a log house…a large log house. Talk about ambiance. I should get some pictures of that, too.  I know they want some, but I am not sure what they want. I’ll try to remember to ask before they leave.

I will be bringing my comfort foods and the things I want to eat. I not only do not want to put them out for food (I am staying for free), but it is also nice to know what to expect. I don’t want to have to wonder where the boundaries are…so I am bringing my own. It is easier for me that way.

Earlier today…I started to sense hurt inside again. Could it be that my system is looking ahead to having the privacy to feel pain and express pain? No holds barred? It’s certainly possible.

I leave tomorrow evening. It is time to go to bed. I might get a little bit of reading time in. It depends on how long it takes hubby to get to bed.

Good night, everyone!

I hope I don’t forget anything.

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