Human Trafficking

This is very hard to write about. If you are squeamish, you might want to pass.

This whole subject can be very triggering for me and, yet, I cannot stay away from it. People simply have NO idea how bad it really is…what is actually happening. (You still have a chance to leave this post.)

Every time I read about women and children being rescued and trafficking perpetrators being jailed, a part of me rejoices. A part of me breathes a sigh of relief for those rescued and I feel gratitude for the rescuers.

My heart also breaks as I am also reminded there are so many more still trapped. Still being tortured. Still being killed. Still being used in pornography. Still being used sexually in so many different perverted ways. Still being sacrificed in sick rituals. Still having organs and blood harvested (think adrenochrome) while they are alive. And, yes, they are even eaten. If only they were all killed first…or at least put under before these things are done to them. But they are not. These people are SICK!

So, another part of me is holding my breath, longing to see the whole cursed thing brought down around their heads. Longing to see the world rid of this horrible, demonic evil. I am walking around in anticipation.

My heart also breaks for those rescued. While the physical part is over, the rest of it is not. Those rescued are so broken. Some were bred in baby farms for just this purpose. It is all they have ever known. Born and sacrificed. Born and abused. Imagine the mothers being used as a baby factory and having every child ripped from them. The heartache never stops.

Yes, we can and do get “better”, but it will never be like it never happened. Some of these scars are faded. But it does not always take much for them to become red and inflamed once again. Even when there is trauma amnesia, it is still inside. You can get triggered and not even be sure why. You can get flashes of things from the fringes of your memory and not be sure what they even are about.

How much of this is my experience? Unknown. I have remembered enough of my family history to know it was ugly. I have remembered enough to know I don’t want to remember any more. I have experienced rituals, killing, sexual abuse, being filmed… and more. I rarely talk about it. Most people have no clue and would not even begin to understand. The parts I do not consciously remember, I know about and I react to. I am sensitive to it.

So, my heart breaks over and over again. I mean, seriously, how can it not? How can anyone who knows the truth NOT have a broken heart? I saw a video on this and it said something about, “those who know cannot sleep at night.” Those who know are driven to rescue as many as they possibly can. They cannot live a life of peace knowing what these women and children are going through. I guess I have an advantage. Having gone through so many horrific things starting as a very young child, I developed the ability to dissociate and I have trauma amnesia. I feel for the rescuers. It is not as easy for them to separate themselves from it. There is vicarious trauma.

So, I sit here writing, so aware of my brokenness, so aware of my powerlessness, with emotions just ready to come spilling out. I am thankful for this blog where I can write about things I may not have the opportunity to talk about. Try finding someone who can handle it!

If you have made it to the end of this post, I am in awe of you. I respect you in ways you cannot even begin to understand. The voiceless need a voice. I have been voiceless and, to some degree, still am. But I am fighting now to speak my story to anyone who will listen with an open mind and heart. It starts here with this blog. But it is also starting to happen, in little bits, outside of this blog.

You also have a challenge. You now know the truth. Do a search on human trafficking and you will find more than you ever wanted to know. The real question is…what will you do with it? If you turn a blind eye and are not part of the solution, then you are part of the problem. This is a scourge and there are many things you can do.

First, if someone honors you with a little bit of their story, LISTEN to them and BELIEVE them. Check your skepticism at the door. Whether you can accept the reality of the events shared or not, know this. It is real to them. Honor their trust in you by trusting them. Try and be a support for them in whatever way you can. Oftentimes, the most powerful form of support is to simply listen and accept them as they are. Help them to know you do not think they are “weird”. They aren’t. Whatever hangups they have, they are normal for what they have experienced. Encourage them in their journey to find some kind of healing.

Second, learn what you can about human trafficking. If you can donate to the rescuers, do so. Even if you can’t, you can pray for them. Maybe even write some encouraging words to them.

Third, educate others about what you have learned. Help wake people up. This whole evil system IS coming down and the survivors are going to need a LOT of support. The more people who can be aware of it all, the more the rescued can, hopefully, find support and acceptance.

(If you have read this because you are just a sick pervert who gets off on reading this kind of stuff, take this with you. You are part of the problem. You will be held accountable some day. Creator is real and He does not like it when His children…the people He made in His image…are hurt like this. You have been warned.)

A Very Difficult Subject…But One Worth Mentioning

Awhile ago, I found out about this really powerful video. It is called “Somebody’s Daughter” and deals with the subject of being addicted to pornography. It tells the stories of three men and includes the wife of one. They share about how they were stuck in an addiction to pornography and how they broke free. I saw it here.

The guy who made the video is Steve Siler. He has a website called Music For the Soul, which is here. There are several CD projects that he and other musicians, songwriters and singers have worked on. As I understand it, they all donate their time. This is a real labor of love.

I just found out that Steve is being interviewed along with a couple of other people. The interview is supposed to be aired on KLove on Sunday March 8th. It will be at 5pm Pacific/6pm Mountain/7pm Central/8pm Eastern. It is already available on the KLove website.  I have not heard it, yet, but look forward to hearing it.

My concern with porn is twofold. I was married to someone who was was addicted to porn. I had to live with the effects of it on our marriage. He was always seeking for me to be someone I was not. I was always having to measure up against an imaginary “lover”…even when I did not know about the existence of that “lover”. He would try to get me to be what he had read and seen. What I wanted or needed was irrelevant…it was not enough. The tension this created between us just kept growing. Of all of his addictions, I sometimes think that this one was the most destructive for us. His attitude toward me became disdainful and I felt used. There were times when he even forced himself on me.

Because of my dissociation, there was another aspect to our marriage that I did not realize back then.  I still had this unreal imaginary idea of what life was like when I was growing up. It was not until I had been married for a few years that I started to realize that I was partially amnesic. My first clue was in high school when I kept getting the feeling that something had happened between my father and I, but I just could not put my finger on what. I could not remember anything that would cause me to feel that way.

My real proof of amnesia came when I suddenly realized that I had only a couple of actual moving memories of my younger sister prior to my moving out of my parents’ home. That really shocked me. Try as I might, I just could not remember her. I could not see her in any of the pictures I had in my mind of the places where we lived. I had only two concrete memories lasting not even a minute.

From there I went on to realizing that I was missing huge chunks of my childhood. I had taken the photos in the family album and coupled them in my mind to the stories that my mother told me about growing up. Actual moving memories I had very few of.

During my first marriage, I did get a few memory flashes, but only a few. Two were of molestation. Later, when I remembered more, I knew it was incest. Two others were SRA memories that made no sense to me at the time. It was during my second marriage that I got some more memories back. I got a bunch during an intense healing time. The others have come sporadically over the years. Amongst the most recent memories are the fact that my family was involved in porn. No huge surprise…most cult families are…in one way or another. I have come to realize that, when I was growing up, I was used in porn. So yeah…I relate to this…very much so.

I have been broken in many ways. Abuse of all sorts has been in my family line. Being used in porn is a part of that. I want to see people set free from using it. I want to see it stop being funded. In spite of what they would have you believe…practically every person in the sex industry is not there by choice. They don’t want to be there. Oh, I know, there are some who say they do. What else are they going to say? They have to keep their sanity. Most, however, are forced to do it. They have no real choice. And every person who watches, buys, sells and uses pornography continues the abuse. So long as there is money to be made, it will keep on happening. And, of course, you cannot forget that there are some who are just plain sick and abusive. For them, it will always be happening because they will be the ones who make it happen, even when there is no monetary profit to be gained.

This is a very difficult subject to write about…but if no one writes…the story does not get told. “Somebody’s Daughter” tells one side of the story and touches ever so briefly on the other side. Bravo! This video is powerful. It is worth watching. It is worth buying for yourself and for others. Pass it around. Get it into the hands of everyone you can. Hopefully, it will raise interest, also, in the other side of the story…the daughter’s and wives and sisters and cousins and aunts, etc. who are being used for the sick pleasure of others.