Posts Tagged ‘processing’

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Now I can go to bed…

October 3, 2012

4050 Confusion

4060 Mind Meld

For more art, got to my Survivor’s Healing Art blog…link in the right sidebar.

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Wordle

February 15, 2010

Paul at Mind Parts wrote a post about Wordle..  I have been checking it out.

I LOVE Wordle. There is so much you can do with it. Thank you, Paul!

I have found that you can use CTR Z to go back through the ones you have created and CTL Y to go forward again.

These are a couple of the 30 I did using a word list I came up with a few years ago when I was processing an experience I had. I tried different variations of the same theme.

The purple is how I felt in the beginning. Then came the black ones, which left me with red ones, which represent my heart leaking all over the place. I was crushed and betrayed.

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Processing – What Is Next?

August 23, 2008

This guy being gone is having an effect on me. I had told my therapist that I did not think I would really be able to totally process what happened until we moved away. Or at least until my friend no longer worked there. The last thing I expected was for this guy to no longer be there.

Now I find myself thinking of his office. I can see him sitting across from his desk…asking me questions and taking notes. I can hear him challenging me to tell him everything and not hold anything back…as if I was hiding something. I remember him telling me that “they” had been upfront and trusted me…which actually was a lie…and now I should trust them and tell them everything. What was I supposed to tell them? There was nothing to tell. There was nothing in my background, or in my present, that posed any kind of threat to the group.

He said that something had come up in my background check relating to a cult…but he did not tell me what. He was actually “fishing”, I realized later. Dummy me, I acknowledged it without first finding out for sure just what it was he heard. I had wondered if something would show up. Now…I don’t think it did. I think what he got was hearsay from someone else in the group that my friend had talked to. But there is no way to know for sure now.

He actually did not even have the complete background check back yet…which was a big no no on their part. They were not supposed to hire me without that coming back first. Another reason I think it came from within is because he kept asking me what employees I had told there about my background. He kept insisting I had talked to some of them.

Now, I find myself flashing on him and his office and the whole incident. I find the emotions coming up and I am rather weepy. Although, with several other things that have happened this week…maybe it is everything all rolled together. I don’t really know.

It is going to be interesting to see how this turns out…for the group…and for me, personally.

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Recent Struggles

March 12, 2008

I have not been writing here much and I have different things running through my mind and heart. My insurance company was one and I have written about that.

Now I am just sort of running the different thoughts and feelings I am experiencing lately out of my mind and onto this “paper”…sort of like a journal. I am “processing”, I guess you could say.

It has been really hard to get up lately. I am not sure why that is. I believe I am experiencing some minor depression. It has been hard to work things out for what I need in t without having a car. No car is effecting me in different areas of my life and this is definitely one of them. If I had transportation, I could get to t earlier which would make it a lot easier to get double sessions. Even if I cannot get the insurance company to co-operate, if I have to, I can go every other week for doubles so that they get their “once a week” number equivalency. No car means I have to go later in the day when I can get a ride. That also means less availability of my t since everyone wants evening after work sessions.

So, I don’t know, maybe it is all contributing to my finding it harder to get up. And it is not just the time change. Although I do believe that is contributing now, this started before the time change. I have a major new commitment in my life that I am really grateful for, however, it is also very draining. I have to really work things out carefully to be able to keep it up.

Life is challenging. My living situation (which I do not want to get into) is challenging. But I know that Yahweh will help me out. He will help me to get through life…all aspects of it…just as He has been doing for so long, even before I knew His name!

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