Posts Tagged ‘sharing’

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Reaching Out…

May 9, 2010

Previously, I wrote about trying to get hold of a couple to try and find some kind of in person (3D) support. Well, I did finally get her on the phone. I had pretty much decided how I wanted to approach it. Did that happen? Nope! Instead, I started off faltering and ended up just spilling things out. She was very caring as I told her I was losing it.

Her husband was not home at the time or else, she said, she would have come right over. So, she prayed for me and said that she would talk to him and get back to me the next day. I told her I had no idea how we would work this out. They are not close, location wise, and we are not members of their congregation. (He is a pastor.)

After pouring my heart out over the phone, I definitely felt better. It was a couple of days ago that I talked to her and, although I have not heard back from her, I do know her heart. I had told her I did not want to be a bother and she had assured me I was not. And I believe her. She knows our living situation and, like everyone else, cannot imagine how we do it. She knows it is extremely stressful.

What is really amazing to me is that I would normally be fretting like crazy at not hearing back from her. I would have all the old tapes playing about not being a bother…not taking up people’s time, etc. This time, though, instead of fretting at not hearing from her the next day, I am able to contentedly rest…knowing that there is a reason she is not getting back to me…a reason that I believe has nothing to do with me.

They may not be the ones the L-rd has for me (and my family)…and, if that is the case, it is OK. At least being able to talk to her did help me to feel like someone else knows some of what is going on and cares about me…about my family. It helped me to feel heard and to let off some of the stress.

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Setting Boundaries and Gossip

May 30, 2008

I recently went through a very difficult situation in which I learned some very hard lessons. In the process of learning them, I made some mistakes. Those lessons cause me to feel a need to set a firm boundary with everyone I come in contact with. Basically, it amounts to this:

Do NOT talk negatively to me about ANYone. If you have a problem with another person…take it up with THEM. Unless you are coming to me for some kind of counseling and seriously want help to work through the issues (which requires rigorous honesty and willingness to be self aware on your part)…do NOT tell me about it.

Do NOT try to get me to take sides in your squabble or dispute. Do NOT try to turn me against the other person. This is ESPECIALLY the case if you are not willing to take responsibility for the words you share.
I do NOT want to hear gossip. If you gossip to me about another person, I will assume that are also spreading gossip about me to others.

If you do share something with me and I believe it to be serious, especially if it causes me concern for that other person’s well-being…whether it be their physical well-being or their emotional and mental well-being…I WILL share it with him/her.

For those who are not sure what I mean…I will give an example. If you tell me that someone’s confidentiality has been broken by one of their key support people…I DO consider that a serious issue of emotional safety for that person. As a result I WILL make sure that the person learns about what you shared so that they can protect themselves. I WILL give you the opportunity to share it with them yourself…but bear in mind…it WILL be shared…either by you or by me.

I will not play games. I will not waste my time and energy on diversionary tactics — like responses that don’t even relate to the issue brought up. I am just not going there.

I am going to do my best to make sure I do the same thing for others that I am asking them to do for me. I know that we are all human and we will all make mistakes. We DO need to show one another grace. But there are some things that do cross a line, things that are serious. Things that…once shared…just cannot be swept under the rug.

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