Posts Tagged ‘Steve Siler’


A Very Difficult Subject…But One Worth Mentioning

March 6, 2009

Awhile ago, I found out about this really powerful video. It is called “Somebody’s Daughter” and deals with the subject of being addicted to pornography. It tells the stories of three men and includes the wife of one. They share about how they were stuck in an addiction to pornography and how they broke free. I saw it here.

The guy who made the video is Steve Siler. He has a website called Music For the Soul, which is here. There are several CD projects that he and other musicians, songwriters and singers have worked on. As I understand it, they all donate their time. This is a real labor of love.

I just found out that Steve is being interviewed along with a couple of other people. The interview is supposed to be aired on KLove on Sunday March 8th. It will be at 5pm Pacific/6pm Mountain/7pm Central/8pm Eastern. It is already available on the KLove website.  I have not heard it, yet, but look forward to hearing it.

My concern with porn is twofold. I was married to someone who was was addicted to porn. I had to live with the effects of it on our marriage. He was always seeking for me to be someone I was not. I was always having to measure up against an imaginary “lover”…even when I did not know about the existence of that “lover”. He would try to get me to be what he had read and seen. What I wanted or needed was irrelevant…it was not enough. The tension this created between us just kept growing. Of all of his addictions, I sometimes think that this one was the most destructive for us. His attitude toward me became disdainful and I felt used. There were times when he even forced himself on me.

Because of my dissociation, there was another aspect to our marriage that I did not realize back then.  I still had this unreal imaginary idea of what life was like when I was growing up. It was not until I had been married for a few years that I started to realize that I was partially amnesic. My first clue was in high school when I kept getting the feeling that something had happened between my father and I, but I just could not put my finger on what. I could not remember anything that would cause me to feel that way.

My real proof of amnesia came when I suddenly realized that I had only a couple of actual moving memories of my younger sister prior to my moving out of my parents’ home. That really shocked me. Try as I might, I just could not remember her. I could not see her in any of the pictures I had in my mind of the places where we lived. I had only two concrete memories lasting not even a minute.

From there I went on to realizing that I was missing huge chunks of my childhood. I had taken the photos in the family album and coupled them in my mind to the stories that my mother told me about growing up. Actual moving memories I had very few of.

During my first marriage, I did get a few memory flashes, but only a few. Two were of molestation. Later, when I remembered more, I knew it was incest. Two others were SRA memories that made no sense to me at the time. It was during my second marriage that I got some more memories back. I got a bunch during an intense healing time. The others have come sporadically over the years. Amongst the most recent memories are the fact that my family was involved in porn. No huge surprise…most cult families are…in one way or another. I have come to realize that, when I was growing up, I was used in porn. So yeah…I relate to this…very much so.

I have been broken in many ways. Abuse of all sorts has been in my family line. Being used in porn is a part of that. I want to see people set free from using it. I want to see it stop being funded. In spite of what they would have you believe…practically every person in the sex industry is not there by choice. They don’t want to be there. Oh, I know, there are some who say they do. What else are they going to say? They have to keep their sanity. Most, however, are forced to do it. They have no real choice. And every person who watches, buys, sells and uses pornography continues the abuse. So long as there is money to be made, it will keep on happening. And, of course, you cannot forget that there are some who are just plain sick and abusive. For them, it will always be happening because they will be the ones who make it happen, even when there is no monetary profit to be gained.

This is a very difficult subject to write about…but if no one writes…the story does not get told. “Somebody’s Daughter” tells one side of the story and touches ever so briefly on the other side. Bravo! This video is powerful. It is worth watching. It is worth buying for yourself and for others. Pass it around. Get it into the hands of everyone you can. Hopefully, it will raise interest, also, in the other side of the story…the daughter’s and wives and sisters and cousins and aunts, etc. who are being used for the sick pleasure of others.

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