Posts Tagged ‘Yeshua’

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Working through things…

May 27, 2013

I have had to make a very tough decision, but life is what it is.

I will survive. I will continue to find joy in the midst of the grieving…even as things seem to be taking a turn for the worse.

I know the One who turns all things for good…even when it is hard…or even impossible…for me to see it. Actually, I do see some good in this. It is just that I also see a lot of sadness and hurt.

I truly do not believe we have much time left before Messiah returns. This whole situation may become a moot point before we even know it.

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It’s All About Trust…

January 14, 2013

Trusting that the Creator has a plan and that it is for our ultimate good.

Trusting that there is something better for us than this life.

Trusting that the Messiah’s love will continue to carry me through every storm of life.

Trusting that the Creator’s teachings are true and good…no matter how hard they may be or how my “self” chafes against them.

Trusting that He is G-d and I am not.

Trusting that my understanding is not infinite…that I am NOT all-knowing.

Trusting that I do not have to understand everything.

Trusting that my human sense of righteousness is not necessarily my Creator’s…mine is imperfect, while His is perfect.

Trusting that, like a child, I can trust my heavenly Abba/Father/Daddy…even when I do not understand.

Trusting that my Creator’s provision truly is enough for me.

Trusting that, when my Abba says “no”, it is for good reasons…even though I may not see those reasons now.

As I look at the list above, I see that trust is really tied a lot into understanding…or lack of understanding. There have been many times in my life when I thought and lived as a child. I wanted to understand like G-d (my Abba/Daddy) and I wanted to understand NOW. Just like the impetuous child who does not want to obey unless she fully understands (and agrees with) the why of the parent, I wanted to act and live on my own understanding and beliefs about how I thought life should be lived.

It took time, but I eventually outgrew my childishness…mostly. I still have my days, but they are much fewer and farther between…thankfully. Now I am better able to trust when I am walking through the mist…when I cannot see tomorrow. I am no longer afraid when things seem dark and I cannot see my way.

I am better able to remain calm and serene in the face of what appears to be “impending doom” because I have learned that things are not what they seem to be with the human eye and heart. I know that Abba has a bigger plan and that the ‘powers that be’ are going to crumble. I know things are going to get tougher in the world and in our country, but I am not afraid, for I know He walks with me.

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Everything in me…

October 5, 2012

As I celebrate Sukkot and prepare to enter Shabbat, everything in me says that Messiah is coming back very SOON!

Please, if you have not sought the Creator with all your being, do so without delay! No one knows how much time they have. Death could come at any time. And beyond that, all things will change when Messiah comes.

There is coming a time when the Creator will remake this world and all that is evil will be banished…all that is not of the Creator.

Seek the Creator. Seek the Son mentioned in the Older Scriptures that we know in the Newer Scriptures as Yeshua/Jesus.

Please seek Him.

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Joel Rosenberg – Epicenter

September 13, 2012

I like Joel. He really seems to have a fairly good understanding of what is going on the Epicenter. He is not presumptuous, but just shares his observations…from the heart. You can tell he is a caring man.

There is an Epicenter conference going on this week and the following video is the first talk, which he gave last night. I found a little bit of everything in his words…comfort, challenge, some things I definitely needed to hear.

http://epicenterconference.com/media/videoPlayer/epicenter_2012_joel_c_rosenberg

As a survivor, I like to think I am ready for anything, or at least better prepared than most, but I know I am not. I look at the world and I see things that look very scary…from a merely human perspective. It is only when I look from G-d’s perspective that I can be calm about things. My grounding comes from standing upon the Rock of my Messiah…Yeshua/Jesus. I look at what He said and at the Holy Scriptures that speak of Him and of the end and I know I am in His hands.

I will not be afraid. What can mere man do to me? I have survived so much already. He will get me through whatever is to come. I need to remember that and keep it in the forefront of my mind and heart.

We are approaching the feast of Yom Teruah…the Feast of Trumpets…Rosh HaShanah…the New Year. The trumpet/shofar is blown on Rosh HaShanah and on some other Fall Feasts. Whenever we approach this time of year I am reminded that Yeshua will return at the sound of the trumpet. Will it be like the silver trumpets they used at the temple? Or will it be a shofar? I don’t know. I just know that I am listening for it…and especially so at this time of year because all the feasts are prophetic in nature…shadows of what is/was to come.

Yeshua fulfilled the Spring feasts the first time He came and He will fulfill the Fall feasts when He comes back to judge the world and reign from the New Jerusalem. I wait with anticipation for His coming. I have chosen to cast my lot with the people of the G-d of Avraham, Yitzchak and Ya’akov. I worship Him and His Messiah…Yeshua. I love and serve Eloheinu and am a disciple of the Rabbi Yeshua.

No matter what happens…I will ultimately be OK. I will not fear wars and rumors of wars. I will not fear my government. I will not fear Islam. I will not the evil and debauchery and disregard for life and biblical values that has overtaken my country. I…will…be…OK! My name is in the palm of my G-d…written so that it cannot be erased. I am His and He is mine.

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Each Day Moving Forward…

September 15, 2010

I don’t know how much time we have left in this world. I watch it getting worse and worse…and then I wonder…how serious are my problems…really. I do my best when I walk in the truth that this is NOT my real Home. My real Home comes after this world passes away. This is merely a shadow of what is to come…and for some of us…it is a very dark shadow.

Yet…the Creator has come to bring light into this darkness. He has come to bring love and healing…and a challenge. Recognizing who He is and choosing to follow Him comes with a price. There are those who reject Him and there are some who will reject me, also. Some will reject me because I am a broken imperfect person, but there are some who will reject me because I follow Him…because I will not compromise truth.

Personally…I don’t really think that most people are really rejecting Him. I think they are rejecting the caricature and false image of Him that has been taught in so many places and groups. It really makes me sad when I see how He is portrayed as something/someone He is not. So many people miss out on the blessing of really knowing Him because they have never been introduced to the REAL Him!

Another thing that makes a real difference in my life is when I sit with the One who made me…the One who knows me best…the One who became man and gave of Himself for me. That is one of the challenges of my living situation. I have not had any regular time alone to just sit with Him. But then I have to ask myself…how much do I really love Him? When we really love someone…don’t we make time to be with that person?

As I sit here I recognize that I really do not do all I can to spend time with Him…listening for His voice…reading and learning of Him…focusing my heart upon Him…drawing closer to Him. There are things in my life that make it harder to do all of that…things I can do nothing about. I can’t do much about my brain being in a fog…or about feeling a bit dizzy at times. I can’t do much about being unable to focus…about my mind swirling around. However, do I make the best use of the little snippets of time I have alone? He is my Creator. He loves me so much and has been here for me in so many ways. Do I really appreciate that? Do I show that appreciation?

It has been so long since I have lived in a situation that allowed me to spend regular time with Him and in His written words to me. Yet…I do talk to Him a lot. In fact, I am talking to Him even as I write these words. And He does speak to my heart. As I sit here thinking that I am failing to really do all I can to draw close to Him, He just puts His arms around my heart and reassures me that it is not about performance. It is about loving Him…and I do love Him…so much more than I can ever express.

I cannot show my love for Him in the same ways that others can, but why should I? I am not them! I am His unique creation…made in His image and filled with His Spirit. So I show my love for Him in ways that are uniquely gifted to me. Sometimes…loving Him can simply mean that I honor Him by not giving up. I keep fighting. I keep trying to do the right thing…even when I fall upon my face time after time. I aim at taking good care of this body that He has given me.

Hm…I just took a break to fold some clothes before I wrap up this post. I am listening to some beautiful music being played on PBN. Suddenly, I realized something. Sometimes the music in our lives is loud and we are dancing and singing to it. Other times it is a steady stream in the background. We are not focused on it, but it is there nonetheless.

It is the same in my life with the Creator. Sometimes I am focused directly and intently upon Him. He and I are dancing and singing and openly communicating. But oftentimes, He is the spiritual background music of my life…the love that is always there…the presence that is always with me…even when I am not really focusing directly on Him.

I want to have Him more up front in my life. Yet I am also grateful that He is faithful to never leave me or abandon me…even when He is not the upfront focus…even when flashbacks seem more real…even when my brain is too foggy to focus on anything…even when I cannot read His word…even when confusion seems to be reigning.

He is good. He is love. He is my true Abba…and my L-rd. His Spirit lives with me. Because of Him…I can live each day moving forward…even when it does not feel as if I am moving forward.

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Some Quotes…

May 2, 2010

The Vague Collective…on their blog “The Search for Clarity” has three quotes that I really like. Well…actually she has more than three, but these three are what I want to share right now.

“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.” – E.E. Cummings So true. It seems like there are so many out there trying to mold us into what they want us to be…which may be entirely different from who we really are. hasatan in the garden tried to mold Adam and Eve into something they were not. His attempts brought sin into the world. He is still trying to mold us. Our parents tried to mold us. Our abusers tried to mold us. Bosses, neighbors, siblings, teachers, etc. …all tried to mold us.

There is only One I want molding me…the Creator of the universe. I want His Ruach/Spirit dwelling within me to mold me. I want Yeshua/Jesus to mold me through what He did for me. I want my heavenly Abba/Father to mold me into the image of His Son…who is an image of Him. I don’t pretend to understand it all. In fact, the more I learn, the more I realize I do NOT know or understand. But I do understand this…Yeshua took on all of my blow-its…all of my ugliness…all of my failures and sinfulness. He paid the penalty so that I would not have to. He opened the door to forgiveness…and freedom. He kept me alive. He keeps me alive. So much of my healing comes from and through Him. He holds me together when I cannot take another step.

As hard as it is…I like being molded into what He created me to be…the me I really am.

“You don’t have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.” – C.S Lewis   I really like this. I am not my body. And just as I am not my body…I am also not the things I have done…or the things that have been done to me. I am a Soul. That Soul is unique to me…it makes me who I am…different from every other Soul that has ever existed. My Soul is eternal. My body will fade away…just as my past will fade away…and all the things I have done or that have been done to me will fade away. I am a Soul! I have a body. I like that.

“Love means to love that which is unlovable; or it is no virtue at all.” – GK Chesterton (…and that includes usselfs!)  I agree with Chesterton and I agree with the Vague Collectives add-on. Love that comes easy isn’t really a virtue. There are times in my life that I have not been very lovable. I am so grateful for those people who loved me anyway. They are the truly virtuous ones!

Thank you, Vague Collective, for these quotes!

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Bittersweet Memories

December 11, 2009

This is a time of year when I tend to think more about my family of origin…or foo…as some refer to theirs. Thinking about foo always brings mixed feelings.

I can remember “good” times…like when we waited with great anticipation to see if it would snow by Christmas. I recall the wonderful feelings I had looking out at the falling flakes…all fluffy and white. Or the excitement of looking out the window in the morning and seeing the ground all covered with a thick layer of white.

And then, if I am not careful, the intense emotion starts to hit. For some reason…even remembering good things tends to lead to emotional overload. I don’t know why. Even the best of memories can start me on that roller coaster ride of emotions. Why?

Perhaps it is because my memories seem to be so few…so scattered. Could it be that all the good that is buried comes to the surface in those few glimpses of the past? Or could it be that painful memories are masked by that intense “good” feeling…that “good” memory. Could it be that the intensity of good emotions…an intensity so strong as to be “painful”…is just a coverup for the very real pain lying underneath? Could the intensity be a way of my system telling me not to trust that the good feelings were all there was? A way of telling me that I need to keep looking…that there are hidden painful things I need to be open to seeing? I don’t know.

I think of Christmas and the wonder of it all. There is always one particular Christmas that comes to mind. I remember the house. I remember the location…even the address. I remember looking for the snow. I remember my sister and I getting matching pj’s for Christmas. I remember getting a Mary Poppins book. I can almost smell the tree. I get an emotional “feeling” or sensation that I was feeling then. I can see the lights on the tree in the darkened room. What I cannot see…is my sister.

I know she is there, but like so much of her life…I cannot see her. I cannot remember her. We lived in the same house for 10 years and I can barely remember her a handful of times during our growing up years…at the most. I am thankful to have been able to connect with her at least a little before she died.

I cannot remember my parents on that Christmas, either; but I know/sense they are there…lurking somewhere on the edge of my “vision”…with my sister. I do remember more of my parents than I do of my sister. Then again…I guess that is not saying much, is it?

Memories are funny. You cannot select only the bad ones to “forget” or to bury. The good ones go, too.

I am starting to feel older. I know my parents are very elderly by now. Although there has been some email contact…it has not really gone anywhere. And that, too, is bittersweet. Well…maybe just bitter. There isn’t really any sweetness about it. I have done what I could. I have opened the door and allowed them to see that they can still get hold of me (should they ever decide to confess, etc. ) There are things I wish we could talk about…things I wish I could ask…but I know they are not in that place…at least not yet.

This year, I am thinking of Hanukkah more than I am of Christmas. After all, we know Yeshua was not born even in this time of year, let alone on the 25th. So, for me, it is almost a cultural/social holiday…even though I think a lot of Yeshua’s coming…then and in the future. But this is the first year that I am thinking more of Hanukkah.

My foo never celebrated Hanukkah. In fact, I have a feeling that my father would probably be very disapproving. Oh, well. There was a miracle of lights…so legend has it. I think of how the Light of the World came to dwell amongst us. I think of the miracle of the lights represented by Hanukkah. It is not hard to link them together.

I also think of how light has come to me in my healing walk. So much darkness in my past…darkness that has…over time…been slowly replaced with light. I don’t doubt that there is more darkness in there to be revealed…I am OK with that. I know that the Lord of light…the very Light of the World…is here with me to walk me through whatever more is there to be revealed. I know I can count on Him to never leave me or forsake me…to never abandon me.

Do my parents think of me during this time? Do they even care? Does it even matter? They cannot change my healing. I cannot change them. Yet…I hope that during this Hanukkah time…they will allow the only One who can bring true deep and lasting healing to truly be a part of their lives. I hope they accept His love for them and that they, too, will be healed.

People are not born abusers. They are born with a propensity to selfishness, yes. They are born fallen creatures in a fallen world wanting their own way. But cruel abusers? No…they are made into that…not born that. Whatever my parents (and other abusers) went through…I hope they find healing. I hope they can bring all that darkness inside to the true Light of the world…Yeshua. I hope that they, too, can find healing Shalom…real peace…even in the midst of their pain.

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When “Funny” Isn’t So Funny

May 23, 2009

There is a “funny” that goes around called “The Psychiatric Hotline”. It goes like this:

Hello! Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline!If you are Obsessive-Compulsive, press 1 17 times…..hmmm better make that 26………ok just press 1 repeatedly.If you are Codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have Multiple Personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are Paranoid, we know who you are. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are Delusional, press 7, and your call will be transferred to the Mother Ship.

If you are Schizophrenic, listen carefully, and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are Dyslexic, press 96969696969696.

If you have a Nervous Disorder, please fidget with the Pound Button until a representative comes on the line.

If you have Amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother’s and grandmother’s maiden names.

If you have short-term Memory Loss, please try your call again later.

If you have Low Self-Esteem, just hang up. None of our representatives would talk to someone like you!

Now, I have read this many times in the past. Yet, for some reason, today when I read it I found myself becoming rather emotional. I am not sure exactly why. Perhaps, it is that last line. It really seems to sum up the underlying attitude portrayed in all of the ones above it. How many people really want to talk to someone who struggles mentally or emotionally. I mean…really! How many?

I know that I have had my own struggles with feeling overwhelmed by other people’s issues. I admit that. I think that, for me, a lot of it had to do with the fact that I was barely keeping my own sanity…if at all. I just did not have much left for anyone else.

I also think that there was a certain amount of fear. I was afraid of what I did not understand. That included being afraid for my own sanity, which I held in question for so many years of my life…even as a young person in my parent’s home.  I used to be filled with SO much fear…over LOTs of things. It is next to impossible to reach out to others from a position of fear. If I cannot understand and help myself…how can I help you?

As I have grown over the years…as I have conquered and banished a lot of my fear…I have found it getting easier to reach out to others. There is a real blessing when I am able to touch, and be touched by, those who struggle with the same things I struggle with. There are still those whose experiences and needs are too great for me to be able to handle. Yet, even with those, I can offer a kind word…or a hug…if the opportunity presents itself.

I have looked at what I need because I think others probably need similar things. Underneath all the issues…we are all human beings…people who have been damaged by the things of life that have happened to us. Some of us were born with issues…some of us were “given” issues by the sins of others…some of us have hurt ourselves. Yet, we are PEOPLE! We are NOT our issues!

I don’t need to be understood as much as I simply need to be accepted. Don’t get me wrong. Understanding would be NICE, but acceptance goes a long way, too! Acceptance, for me, also means being included. I don’t have to be included in everything a person does…or in every part of a person’s life. That is unrealistic…even for two “nonstruggling” people. But when you exclude someone from everything…or from all the key events in your life…that is not acceptance. Everyone needs to be accepted by SOMEONE. Acceptance does not keep people always on the fringes of things. Nor does genuine love.

I don’t need to be fixed…I need to be encouraged. Yahweh (God in the Bible) is the BEST “fixer” and He is taking care of that…one day at a time…one step at a time. I am where He knows I need to be. I can accept that. Can others? Can you?

I don’t need to be told how to live…or have verses quoted at me. I need to be walked alongside of.  There are times when I really need someone to take my hand and tell me that it will be OK…that “I” will be OK. I need to be reminded that Yahweh is in control…not as some pat answer that your duty requires you to tell me…but as a gentle loving reminder because you truly know it yourself from your own experience with Him. If YOUR walk with Him is not real and deep, then how can you help me with mine?

I don’t need to be thought of as “wierd”. I need to be thought of as someone who has fought many battles and who refuses to quit fighting. I need someone to “pass the ammunition”…not keep me from it…or judge me for not being able to reach it myself.

I need to be loved. Not pitied. Not superficially cared about. Pity and superficial acceptance are not real genuine love. Real genuine love seeks to help me better myself. Seeks to help me walk through whatever it is that I am walking through. Looks for and shares resources. Love is when you share the gifts Yahweh has blessed you with…with others…including me. Love is sticking around when the going gets tough…or when my struggles make me not the easiest person to be with. Love is when I cannot meet your needs, but you choose to hang out with me anyway.

Is there anyone out there like that? I know there are…but oh how rare they can be. There are some people I have met online who I believe are like that and I would like to believe that I would be the same way back. It can be easier to “love” someone online…to love from afar, but what about in person? There are some online friends whom I have met in person that I KNOW would be that for me if I lived close to them. We are “family”. It would be nice to have some “family” close by, though.

That brings me to the subject of congregations. We are, spiritually speaking, “family”. However, do we act like it? When people call the “church” hotline…what kinds of responses do they get? When the kinds of people listed in this little “funny” above call a “church” that says that they follow Yeshua (Jesus)…do they get responses that are similar to the ones above?

Oh, I know, they will probably NEVER hear those exact words…or course not! If they do, I suggest they run as far away as they can from those people! However, are the responses they DO get really just the same thing…only worded a bit more softly?

Where are the stretcher bearers in the body of Yeshua?

Where are the wise, LOVING, biblical counselors?

Where are the disciplers? The mentors?

Where, oh people of Yeshua, are YOU when it comes to helping people like US??? I fear that you have gone into hiding in your places of perceived safety where you can try to pretend that people like us do not exist. Or, if we do…we are someone ELSE’s “problem”. Of course, that is part of the problem…you don’t see us as PEOPLE, you see us as PROBLEMS!

Yahweh did not call the government to help us out…He called YOU…and ME…and everyone of His true children! We are to help one another. I help others as I am able to help. It may not be much…but I try. I try to comfort others with the comfort with which I have been comforted.

My number one source of comfort is Yahweh…Abba (Father), Yeshua (Jesus) and Ruach HaKodesh (Holy Spirit). Sadly, with a few exceptions, my comfort is primarily just from Yahweh. Yes, there have been a precious few who have actually been there for me in my offline life…but it has been a very few. I hold them in my heart forever.

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What Is Really Important?

February 14, 2009

There are times when I feel overwhelmed and I just don’t know how I am going to do this life. That is when I most need to remember that Yahweh has promised that I already have everything I need for this life…and for godliness. So, it becomes my prayer for the Holy Spirit…the Ruach HaKodesh…to give me wisdom…to show me how to do what it is I need to do…and how to do it.

I also need Him to show me what is really mine to do and what is not. I believe that I sometimes take on what other people think I should be able to do…or that I have erroneous ideas of what I should do. I do not need to be adding…or allowing others to add…to what Yahweh expects of me.

My relationship with my Creator is the absolutely most important thing in my life. It is more important than any earthly relationship I have, although all of my earthly relationships are effected by it. Yet…I find it so easy to neglect this most important aspect of my life. Why?

I suspect that it has something to do with the fact that the spiritual realm is so “hidden” from our earthly eyes. We tend to focus on what we can see, touch, taste, feel. We think this physical realm is the “real” thing, while the spiritual is something less real…like a shadow. The truth is…the spiritual is the most real… and the physical is the  shadow.

There is a battle raging in unseen realms that we just go on living life in ignorance of. After all, if we can’t see it, it can’t be real, right? Yet, no one questions the reality of love…which you cannot see. Or air…which you also cannot see. The spiritual realm does touch our physical world. There are angels and demons all around us. There is a Creator who is Spirit…who is everywhere at once and not limited by time or space.

We have the possibility of living with Him, surrounded by and filled with His incredible love for eternity. We have the possibility. Not all will make it. Some will spend eternity separated from the only source of true and real love…forever. That saddens me. I know that He has written His law upon the hearts of His people. He has given evidence of His existence throughout all of nature. He longs for us to seek Him and to accept Him and His Son Yeshua. But many won’t, which is very sad. They will chose to reject Him.

Or worse, they will think they are OK with Him but they are living their lives their own way instead of His ways. They are seeking to do things…not to be His sons and daughters. They are seeking themselves and will tell YeshuaJesus in the end that they did all kinds of things in His name…seemingly good things like healing the sick. What will His response be? “I never knew you.”

We cannot make up our own spirituality…or our own religion…depending on which slant you take. Truth is truth. It is not relative…it is solid. We cannot just go through life picking and choosing what we will believe and then expect Him to just accept us in the end. It doen’t work like that. We need to seek Him out…diligently. We need to read and study His written word…the bible. We need to walk and live in His living Word…Yeshua/Jesus. If we do not…we are risking the most important thing we can have…an eternity with our Creator.

I challenge anyone reading this to seek Him out. Ask Him to show Himself to you as being real…and then sit back with open eyes and heart. He will show Himself to you…if you are seriously asking Him. I don’t mean some half cocked, half serious request on your part. I mean to get real! It is worth it. After all, where you spend eternity is at stake. Eternity without Him is your choice…as is eternity with Him. One is just plain awful…the other is incredibly wonderful beyond anything we can imagine.

So, what will you choose? Will you gamble with your soul on your “beliefs”…or will you seek to know the absolute truth…truth you can count on? I know my choice. As for me, I will serve Yahweh, the living God…and Him alone…Abba/Father…Yeshua/Jesus/Son…Ruach HaKodesh/Holy Spirit.

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