Posts Tagged ‘zero income’



February 2, 2012

My family is probably in what most would call a very unstable situation. While our living quarters are much improved…albeit unfinished…we have zero income. Well, let me clarify that. Unemployment has run out and there is still no real job offer. Scary, right?

Actually, it is not. We are seeing G-d move in amazing ways. Our bills are paid. We have plenty of food. Odd jobs are coming our way. The wood stove is in and we have free wood for the winter…which is much milder than we expected. Life is actually good.

There are things I do struggle with, however. Our house is very chaotic and cluttered (due in large part to being unfinished and having no real outside storage at the moment) and I don’t do real well with that.  It is hard to find and keep track of things. Cleaning is a real challenge so there is a lot of dust and an untidy appearance. I have to constantly be aware of my surroundings to make sure I do not trip or bump into things. In a sense, I think it is not too dissimilar to the hyper-awareness that comes with PTSD. Regardless of the cause…it is a mental energy drain.

With hubby being unemployed, that means that this introvert has one more person’s presence I am always aware of. And yes, even just the awareness can be a bit of a mental drain, even if he is not interrupting me a lot like my son does. Like his father, he is in an extrovert so I am outnumbered here. It is difficult to get anything done…like writing here, for example! Trying to have a routine or schedule is pretty much impossible…or at least one that is very structured.

There are some things I can do to help achieve more stability in this environment. The first one, of course, is to really focus on my Creator. The closer I draw to Yeshua/Jesus…to YHWH of the bible, the better I handle the curve balls that life keeps throwing at my family. The more time I spend just interfacing with G-d and reading/studying His words, the better I do life.

Another thing that helps is to remember what works best for me…what I most need. As an introvert, I need time alone…time to just be quiet and “be”. I rarely have that so I really need to make ways to get it. Sometimes that means telling my family “no” and why. They are actually understanding and supportive if I just remind them of what I need as an introvert! I rarely even need to bring up that I am a survivor.

Because I am busy, I need to be very selective about how I spend my time. I try not to focus on things that are not going to help me grow and reach my goals. I try to focus on positive and uplifting things rather than ones that are either negative or  just frivolous. When I need to laugh, I focus on something humorous. If I need uplifting, I focus on something that is encouraging. What I focus on makes a difference in how I do life. Whether it is something to read, hear or watch I am learning to ask myself if it is really helpful or just a time waster. That is not to say that there aren’t times when I need to just do something a bit frivolous for my state of mind, but if it becomes a habit I know I am probably just avoiding something.

Which brings up another thing that helps…keeping short accounts and facing things head on. It takes more energy to avoid facing painful things that I need to work on than it does to simply work on them so that I can move on! It also takes more energy to stay angry at someone or to be fretting about how I have hurt someone than it does to let it go or go work things out with the person.

I have also learned to move within my limitations. I know…a lot of people see limitations as a negative thing. Well, I don’t. If I acknowledge realistic limitations and boundaries it enables me to move about more freely inside of them. Otherwise, I will stretch myself too thing trying to do too many things. I will be constantly drained and I won’t do any of them very well. I prefer to rotate my focus. I have several blogs and I take turns writing in them. I have Facebook and I slip that in, although I am trying to spend a lot less time there because I believe it can be a very frivolous thing if I am not carefully guarding my time there. I like to cook and organize my house and do assorted other things, but I cannot do them all at once. I have to take turns and there are some things I simply have to put on “hold” for the time being…like my poetry writing (or even getting what I already have written up on that blog).

I would rather do less and live in peace than try to do it all and constantly feel chaos within me. The world can get along without me, but I do hope that I can brighten at least my corner of it once in a while. I don’t want to be too busy to do that!

Well, I hope today’s ramblings will help someone. I know that writing things out helps me. It reminds of what is important and it helps me to get my thoughts in order and clarify things for myself! That helps me to overcome the chaos and clutter around me!

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