Who I Am

I have survived Satanic Ritual Abuse (SRA), among other abuses. I prefer to say “I have survived” than to say that I “am” an SRA survivor. Being a survivor is only a part of who I am. I like to think of it actually as more of a reflection of my life experience than a reflection of who I am. At my core, I am a person…not a disorder…not an experience. I am a person who wears many hats: wife, mom, writer, singer, poet, artist, lover, teacher are some of them. Oh, and I should not forget to mention “chief cook and bottle washer”! Yes, I have to laugh at that last one.

I love to laugh. Laughter helps me to heal. It helps me to get through this life, especially since I have PTSD and partial amnesia. There are other things I struggle with, too, as a result of the abuse I grew up with…things I may someday share more of within the realm of this blog.

My family of origin was in a generational cult. Yeah, I know…fun. NOT! It was horrible and I am still very amnesic to much of it. Most of my flashbacks are intense emotional pain that seems to often time come out of nowhere. Sometimes they are accompanied by some visual pictures in my mind. Most of the time I am trying to figure out the puzzle of what I am experiencing…or actually…it is more like trying to figure the WHY of what I am experiencing.

This blog contains some of my processing. It has my thoughts on spirituality, healing and abuse. I have been a part of survivor forums over the years. As I have shared my thoughts with therapists and others, some have encouraged me to look into publishing. Perhaps this is the first step? 🙂

I do not know how you found my link, but however you found it, I hope it blesses and encourages you.

Please feel free to comment on my posts. You can add your thoughts to mine or ask questions.

If you are interested, I also have an art blog and a poetry blog.


  1. Hi, what a wonderful introduction to yourself. I found your link because you posted on my blog. I am sorry that you have to write a blog like this (because of what you went through). But I am glad you are writing. Paul.

  2. Thanks, Paul. Sorry you went through what you went through, too. I have appreciated what I have read so far of your blog.

  3. Hey, I really like how you’ve introduced yourself.
    Your blog look interesting so far…
    Keep up the good writing!

  4. Thank you!

  5. Laughter is good. Yes, being a survivor is only one of my stories. Thanks for having the courage to write about your experiences.

    • You are welcome! Thanks for coming by, Patricia! 🙂

  6. i love the way you say you “have survived” rather than you are “a survivor”. maybe i’ll get there too one day…

    • Thanks, little sheep. I try to avoid being locked in by labels. I have life experiences. While they contribute to the kind of person I am today…they are not me…not who I am.

  7. Hi, what a wonderful introduction to yourself. I found your link because you posted on my blog. I am sorry that you have to write a blog like this (because of what you went through). But I am glad you are writing. Paul.

  8. I really like what you said about “have experienced” all the other language really gets to me too. In many ways, I related to what you wrote. I started my blog as a way of anonymously telling the truth of what I experienced. It has been of tremedous help for me and a turning point in my therapy.

    Be well,

    • Hi, ClinicallyClueless! Blogging really helps me and I see it as being like a journal of sorts.

      • You are not alone on the journey. There are many here are on the Internet that can be quite supportive. Take care of yourselt

        • Clueless, I think that is one thing I really like about blogging. You both find and give support and it is very much a reminder that we are not alone. Thank you for being here and for commenting!

  9. I believe in Jesus too. My husband calls Him Yeshua, as you do. Reading your intro was difficult because i know you know pain… im sorry for what happened to you. Thank God He’s protected our innocent hearts all these years. Be blessed. Im looking forward to reading more on your blog because i feel like i could have written those very words myself. Its difficult, but comforting.
    Btw, i know ptsd. Its been a daily nuisance for most of my life. Im a multiple diagnosed with basically a bunch of dissociative disorders. Im hurting…. but thank God for God!! He’s healing me!! And you too!!

    • Welcome! I hope you find words of encouragement here. 🙂

  10. I would highly recommend PTSD: Time To Heal by Cathy O’Brien.
    She was an MK Ultra Mind Control victim who underwent satanic ritual abuse among other things. She was diagnosed with dissociative disorder and suffered amnesia as a result of her mind control programming. She was freed in 1988 and was taught how to deprogram herself and heal. The book is about the techniques she used to heal her mind. She is no longer dissociative nor has amnesia.

    • Thank you! I have not been on this blog for a long time and just now saw this.

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